Drink Tank

Extra Aqua Vitae Nulla Salus

3.31.2005

Seriously guys!... SERIOUSLY

(update below)

Cartmanland::

I haven't seen this in a while. Register and straight-up DOWNLOAD episodes of Southpark.

The random image gallery is also great.




UPDATE: Miguel says

This shit is fucking awesome! I missed The Office on Tuesday and wondered if I could just download it. No problem, I had it on Wednesday morning! And I just finished watching SP Episode 904, the Terry Schiavo special (torrent). The South Park has the Sony PSP so integral to the plot I wonder if it isn't product placement, the way all advertising will have to be when we just download commercial free versions of our shows.

Homophobia Unites World's Religions

They're here, they're queer, get used to it. Or, don't, and unite the three main monotheisms under a banner of solidarity, bringing peace to the world. Who'da thunk it?

McFly..... MCFLY!!!!!

3.30.2005

500 new agents to patrol Arizona border

Drudge links this story.

To discuss: what level of violence or punishment is acceptable for those illegally crossing the border? Any policy shift ideas?

An idea:
Step 0) Remove Federal welfare protections for immigrants in their first 2 years or so.
Step 1) Allow 10x-100x more people to get visas and immigrate permanently and legally to the US.
Step 2) Shoot folks crossing illegally. (Rubber bullets?)

I'm perfectly familiar with the amazing contribution Mexican migrants bring to America, and I want it to continue. But, I'm kinda tired about hearing how hard it is to secure the border from drugs, weapons, etc. when serious measures just aren't being taken.

Jacko update

Remember that spoof of 'Black or White': "I am a virgin and I'm 33 \ not even Madonna will have sex with me" ?

Well apparently it WASN'T true! It was 32.

3.29.2005

The UN

At the news conference this afternoon, Mr. Annan was asked whether it
was time for him to step down, given the oil-for-food problem and
several other embarrassing revelations about the organization.

"Hell no," he said, and added: "It is not unusual that an institution
this size, whether it's government in this country or companies, that
problems do arise."
Hmm. Nothing like a life-long bureaurocrat to remind us that gigantic
complex systems (NASA, etc.) are bound to fail from time to time,
especially crippled earth-sized amoebic systems like the UN.

I wonder how many people out there heard Koffi say "Hell" and thought,
"Yeah Koffman! You so sassy! Stick it to them anti-amoebics!"

3.28.2005

Don't Front, Shaq

So, you can break a glass backboard? Big deal. This kid dunked so hard that he tore down a brick wall and cut off two hands and a foot. Thankfully, they've been reattatched, so the kid can repeat the stunt, hopefully with a camera running next time.

3.27.2005

News Update: Pope DID NOT eat it!



I guess the tourists did

3.24.2005

Golden Teas

3.23.2005

Sorta like Blair Witch



...only cuter

More Than Human

: Embracing the Promise of Biological Enhancement

What is the difference between "biological enhancement" and plastic surgery? The former is popular but fairly frowned upon. I suppose that doing something humans couldn't do before is to be respected. If you are just able to do things that your average Joe can do with hard work, it might be seen as lazy.

One thing is for certain: a "smart pill" without a comedown would be most welcome. Countries that made it illegal would be immediately hurt.

You are to drink until you cannot distinguish between Haman and Mordecai

If you don't believe me, ask God! Tomorrow, the 24th, at sundown begins Purim, the traditional Jewish day of dressing up like fools and getting hammered. Briefly, Hanan plotted a genocide, and when he and his 10 sons were all hanged preemptively, it was cause for much rejoicing. Mordecai, the hero of the story said in the future it was everyone's "duty to become frangrant with alcohol* on Purim," and we at Drink Tank will happily oblige. Much technical discussion of the religious requirements on Dressing-Up-Like-A-Wino Day here, and I think the go-to parade on Friday will be close to my house, here.

*stinking drunk

Dirty Robot Brew Works


Nice Label

3.22.2005

Postponing taxes: IRS news round up

The Party of Life obviously intends to rule America forever, if it's going to set this precedent.

Want to hack the IRS? Just ask nicely. (BTW, Oded and I used to work (drink, really) at the NYU School of Medicine, where there's a woman in the department of finance with the password "BOOBY," and she's really proud of it. Moral: don't choose a cool password, or you'll just want to tell everyone.)

The IRS claims that if they could collect everything they're owed it would nearly close the deficit. They get about $10 billion out of the 2.57 trillion proposed budget, and according to linked article spend none of it on computer modernization.

Chalabi Nobel Peace Prize Nomination

Judge to keep feeding tube out

[link]

Will the feds stand for it?

American Culture Just Got Richer

..1,000-pounds (450-kilogram), 12-feet (3.6-meter) richer! But some "scientists" are tryinna hate on the record by 200 pounds and 2 feet.
Despite the dispute, this town 180 miles (290 kilometers) south of Atlanta has already adopted Hogzilla as its own. It went with a Hogzilla theme for its fall festival, with a parade featuring a Hogzilla princess, children in pink pig outfits and a float carrying a Hogzilla replica.
ps. UPDATE: The car I thought I totalled will actually be fixed for a mear $1350USD. :-)

Sufjan Stevens - Seven Swans

Go ahead and download the albums there. They will only be available for about an hour or two. Sufjan Stevens is probably the only "Christian" music I actually enjoy. It's probably the banjo...

3.21.2005

Jeeze,

..this place just can't stay outta the news! It's a followup, of sorts.

Pet store owner: Satan's image on turtle's shell

3.18.2005

A Churlish UN Rep, North Korean Press

An update.
Bolton blasted North Korea as "the world's foremost peddler of ballistic missile-related equipment, components, materials and technical expertise," saying the Bush administration would push for the UN Security Council to urge North Korea to drop its nuclear programs.

North Korea, in return, referred to Bolton as "human scum" and a "bloodsucker."

hahaha. It'll be a good year.

Voodoo Bloodbath

Sounds fun

3.17.2005

QRIO


CUTE!


quite the special little athlete too.

[req. realplayer]

By The Way

[Windows Media player] [National Lampoon] [trivia] [potato]

Happy Day!

A Modest Proposal: Part 2

I've tasked Josko with scanning in the Risk board (and the moon) at high resolution. The eventual goal? Our own online Risk game shouldn't be difficult. Then we can span games over days and be continually playing. Isn't this fun?? Isn't this exciting????

3.16.2005

More Cute Cedar Girls

A followup.

Kristof: Who Gets It? Hillary

Funny how someone who would be quick to point out apparent nepotism with 43 & 41, thinks Hillary has what it takes to win. He doesn't mention national defense, which, of all her posturing, seems the most sincere and the most likely trait to win her votes.

Either way, he completely misses a big point in mentioning Hillary-haters and the ways she is trying to give herself a makeover. I, in part, don't like Hillary because, like Bill, she seems to desire to remold herself constantly -- not into what she sees as right - but what she sees as electable.

It is the worst part about many politicians.

That, and she’s a good-for-nothing socialist, but I won’t comment further than to say I’m finally reading ‘The Road to Serfdom’

3.15.2005

Bontago

Hero

A Modest Proposal

The following is a paraphrased gmail exchange between Ivan and me:
JOSKO:
luucaaas, this is your last chance. make a decent film, or die.

JOSKO:
you know, i've been thinking: besides having dubious causality (e.g.,
the order of events that created the clone army and the
senate's/yoda's instant and questionable approval of it); atrocious
love story/dialogue (sand comment, levitating fruit : "if obiwan saw
me doing this he would be very grumpy;" anikin pretending to fall off
that cow-like animal and being hurt only to roll over and dry-hump
padme on the grass; the causal leap of padme not liking anikin to
professing love while in S&M gear in front of the fire, her saying
"before we die, i want you to know that i love you very much" to anikin
right before the arena thing); dumb series of 5 climaxes so poorly
edited and segued into each other that only a five-year-old doesn't
feel pissed off to sit through it; the technology gap that has anikin
with a primitive arm prosthesis (can raise clones but can't make a
biological arm replacement?); padme having crazy elaborate costumes
for every 2 minute-long-scene (and having no tits); dismal failure to
continue storylines and themes from ep1 (midichlorians, the relevance
of the quigon jinn character, jedi unable to comprehend that "bringing
balance to the force" might mean an infusion of more evil [~few
hundred jedi VS two sith], jedi unable to comprehend that palpatine is
a bad guy, anikin not going to see his mother in 10 years!, anikin not
seeing padme for 10 years! [guess the jedi offices are really far from
the senate offices]) ---besides these things, something bothers me
about episode II:

obiwan is kind of an ineffectual dolt. he gets beaten by count dooku
in about 10 seconds. he's an extremely shitty investigator. think
about it: he goes to a fucking diner to find out where a poison dart
comes from, looks up the planet in the charts and it's not there, is
so clueless that he has to go to yoda and have some five-year-olds
tell him "hey, maybe it was erased from the map!" obiwan's, like,
"hmm, yeah! i didn't think of that! i thought maybe the planet had
exploded or something!" it's slow going (what, like, forty-five
minutes?) between obiwan starting the investigation and actually going
to the clone planet. also, for continuity purposes, _obiwan_ clearly
should've been the one to kill jango fett, since he's the one that
fucking dealt with him the whole movie. unbalanced! sloppy!

this misuse of obiwan is probably the biggest travesty of ep2 (yoda
was already really annoying in episode 1 and i don't even care about
him), and my ONLY hope for episode 3 is that the film makes obiwan
look as much of a badass as possible. obiwan clearly beats anikin
(lava duel), so this can be done. i hope this duel isn't framed as,
like, obiwan accidentally winning by chance (a lava explosion, or
something), but by pure skill.

as for the blindness of the jedi, i realize that i actually _want_
them all to die. that is some remarkably bad writing to get me not to
like the jedi. seem arrogant and very sloppy. beurocrats, UN
peacekeepers. they can't love? that's gay. stripped from their
families at age, like, 2? i'd rather be a rogue like count dooku.

speaking of dooku, wouldn't it be waaaay better if dooku actually
_was_ a good rogue jedi? i mean, he tells obiwan as much when he
captures him in that levitation-cage thing. actually, if he were evil
(and he's supposed to be), why would dooku actually tell obiwan about
a sith in the senate? what does he have to gain by doing so? since
no previous relationship was forged between obiwan and dooku, it's
also extremely unconvincing for dooku to try to persuade obiwan to
switch to his side. i mean, this all simply smells of bad writing.

if i think about it a little more, i bet there'd be a way to combine
the quigon jinn character (don't kill him in ep1) with a non-evil
dooku, swindled by sidious. quigon was already considered sorta iconoclastic in ep1. it'd be extra-ironic to have the guy that was so convinced of anikin's need to be trained to also be an instrument to tear apart the republic in a civil war.
anyhow.. ranting.


IVAN:
my head will explode when i watch it...

we need a running-man style exploding collar on george's neck, and tell
him to make new movies, better movies, or it explodes. we could have
shitty sequels and/or a dead lucas.

win-win :)

JOSKO:
actually, i think his goiter is too thick to blast through.

3.14.2005

I wouldn't link to any beheading I read about

but this was about a mile away from where I used to live. Crazy.

Update: Arm wrestling robots beaten by a teenaged girl

Who needs chess, when we can still beat robots at arm wrestling?!
[actually put a very small, regular electric motor, and you'll beat the majority of humans -- this competition was special]

heh

"French Intellectuals to be Deployed in Afghanistan To Convince Taleban of Non-Existence of God"
[...]
"Pentagon sources have recently confirmed rumours that America has already sent in a 200-foot-tall robot Jesus, which roams the Taleban front lines glowing eerily and shooting flames out of its fingers while saying, 'I am the way, the truth and the life, follow me or die.'"

Flag waving

Read the first few comments about the dexterous Lebanese flag wavers.

3.13.2005

Hero Retires

Kasparov's mastery of chess sometimes seemed almost superhuman. His most famous loss was a 1997 rematch against the IBM supercomputer Deep Blue.

Alexander Roshal, chief editor of 64, the popular Russian chess magazine, said Kasparov had no peers in the chess world. "There's no one else of his caliber," he said. "No one comes close. He saw that, and said 'You go on without me.'"

For the record, when he "lost" to DeepBlue, the game was rigged: the IBM handlers were reprogramming the computer in response to Kasparov's choice of strategies---mid-game! Two years ago I saw some of the rematch live online, with a simple board and some commentary by people that might know what the hell individual moves might mean. It was the most exciting piece of live sports I've ever seen.

(I have to admit that part of me was rooting against the machine for sentimental reasons. Meanwhile, a loss for the comp would mean the doubling of efforts to improve the machine, which is good and means I'll get my robot butler sooner. It's kinda like the way part of me hoped SpaceShipOne would have to, like, delay it's X-Prize bid, just so the competition to improve private spaceflight wouldn't be curtailed.)

Yo, Scientists

..just what, pray tell, is the best science fiction film ever, and does it involve Dick?

3.12.2005

A Scanner Darkly

I haven't read the story. In fact, the only Dick I've read was Blade Runner/Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? and was pretty disappointed. Blade Runner and Total Recall were great movies, but the Spielberg bowlsheeyit ought warn us that Dick on the big screen is hit or miss. Haven't seen the Woo attempt. But this Dick does look like it'll be good (beautifully rendered at the very least!). Reminds me of this, which I also haven't seen but Ivan loved.

More on Gottfried's "The Aristocrats"

..still waitin' for the movie.

Toupee

Ever wondered how 'toupee' is spelled? Abby and I have playing drunked scrabble ,`)

A New Face in Journalism as Rather Departs

Avast, ol' peggy's on the hunt for a story. 43 pages of text---with pictures!---posts he, arrrrgh!!!!*:

Every day now, new messages appear on the Web offering encouragement to resistance fighters, and last week Mr. Zarqawi's group started an Internet magazine, complete with photographs and 43 pages of text. Other Islamist groups are joining the effort, including one calling itself the Jihadist Information Brigade.

The Iraqi insurgency appears to have mounted a full-scale propaganda war.

...It is hard, of course, to be sure of the authenticity of Internet postings. But American officials say those that appear with the Zarqawi logo seem to be credible, and that has led them to conclude that he does indeed have a news operation.
I wonder what the logo looks like. Parrot? Something like this? I'd start googling it, but I don't want the FBI knocking on my door.

*ps. These Zarqawi-pirate references will not stop being funny to me. S-aaarrggh-y.

3.11.2005

She asserts that when plaintiff 'delivered' his...

...it was a gift — an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee.


Read the terrifying tale of child support payments for a blowjob.

There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request.


Some people are really into snowballing, you know. I think this poor guy has to pay to protect the rights of women to recieve child support if they've faked taking the pill.

3.10.2005

One cannot live in the cradle forever

If you follow the link and watch the NASA PSA and are not teary eyed, you aren't human.

Busted Tees - gold

3.09.2005

W Picks A Winner

"There is no such thing as the United Nations. There is an international community that occasionally can be led by only the real power left in the world, and that is the United States."

JOHN R. BOLTON, PRESIDENT BUSH'S CHOICE TO BE U.N. AMBASSADOR, IN A 1994 SPEECH


Wow.

3.08.2005

Writers Are Whores

...first it's for fun, then for your friends, then you do it for money.

Former White House reporter James Guckert (AKA Jeff Gannon, the alias he used in his journalistic workand now runs his blog with) is a fascinating story. Mr. Gannon is a veteran who tried his hand at running an online male escort business [penis].

It didn't work out, apparently, so he began a much more shameful career as a partisan pro-government journalist. Gannon kept a sense of humour in the face of his personal failings though, as evidenced by the questions he asked as a White House press reporter:

  • Is this another piece of evidence showing the direct terror ties between Iraq and al Qaeda?

  • Doesn't [former Ambassador] Joe Wilson owe the President and America an apology?

  • In your denunciations of the Abu Ghraib photos, you've used words like "sickening," "disgusting" and "reprehensible." Will you have any adjectives left to adequately describe the pictures from Saddam's rape rooms and torture chambers?*

  • You said you're going to reach out to these people [Senate Democratic leaders] -- how are you going to work with people who seem to have divorced themselves from reality?


  • The last question listed offended Democratic bloggers, and made them wonder how a piece of work like this got credentialed. I think there's now a government investigation underway concerning this issue. His resumé is crap, and his news service is unheard of. I think someone who's easy to blackmail would be the perfect choice to be your go-to friendly reporter (all the adjectives I can think of for his style are really suggestive -- ass-kissing, brown-nosing, etc).

    Interestingly, he was a really good reporter. He was the first to know about some major stories: the start time and method of Operation Iraqi Freedom; the fact that Dan Rather used fake documents in a newscast; and the covert CIA position held by Valerie Plame, whose husband claimed that there was no evidence of WMDs in Iraq. Sure, he must have been leaked these stories by government PR people who knew he was on their side, but so what? That's a way to get information and that's a journalist's job.

    The other thing to mention is that Mr. Guckert may have never traded sex for money, and if he did he may have got something worth more than money. (I think he's only known to have advertised the service.) It's easy to look at this story as one where it's weird that he had access to all this information because he could have been blackmailed so easily. But maybe it's the other way around, and he set up his service because he wanted to learn which DC men liked to spend time with naked military guys. His blog has the following up on it:

    I watched a clip of Sen. Joe Biden on Bill Maher's HBO crapfest.  I wonder why he didn't mention meeting me some years ago.  C'mon Joe, think...


    Whatever that means, it seems possible that he has dirt on Washington insiders. He may have been so popular with the Texas republicans who hired him to work for GOPUSA because he can destroy some prominent democrats. But maybe he could work in those circles because he can destroy the reputations of some prominent Republicans, too.

    Just because I don't know what it means doesn't mean it's not a fascinating story.

    *BTW Iraq didn't have ties to al Qaeda, Joseph Wilson was right about the WMD info being bogus, and the US should never compare its methods to those of the Baath party.

    Propaganda

    This is an awesome commercial. They show that type of thing in England, but I don't think it'll be aired in America, except via blogs. (This political issue happens to have a simian solution, AFAIK.)

    3.07.2005

    Pon-Stiff

    The editor of the New York Press has resigned, largely over this unpublished cover. The cover is much funnier than the article, even though Matt Taibbi is by far the best writer of any weekly column (except for the War Nerd, who might be Taibbi anyway).

    3.06.2005

    One Last Tribute

    67 years old, and he was still going so strong it took a bullet in the head to stop him. A half-century on speed. It's an awesome achievement in itself, never mind the writing.

    Yes, speed. I'll say it again, since this crucial word seems to have been left out of every obituary I've read: speed.

    3.04.2005

    :,(

    Transformers FAQ v6.0

    You can learn how they make Soundwave's voice. Andrew, you have hardware to do this 'flanging'. Anyone know about good software? What about something I can plug into the live voice chat of Unreal Tournament 2004? How about a cell phone that can do it? I would pay a pretty penny for that functionality :)

    America's Army - Rally Point - Blogs

    cute dog MP. We discussed this at the bparty, but anyone wanna comment on America's Army - the game.

    Skip to the Jackpot Celebration!

    Rigo's site

    Chimps Gone Wild

    At Bakersfield, no less.

    3.03.2005

    A Revolution Made From the Bark of a Tree!

    (Don't worry, your kids will eat it...)

    You've heard of the Velvet Revolution (Czechs and Slovaks vs. communist overlords in '89), the Rose Revolution (Georgia vs. Herr Overlord Shevardnadze in '03), the Orange Revolution (Ukraine vs. Russian overlords in '04), and the Purple Revolution (Iraq vs. Herr Overlord Palminteri in '05) .

    Now there's the Cedar Revolution (Lebanon vs. Syrian overlords), so named for the tree on their flag (they've all been chopped down long ago, by the Romans no less). Their calling it the "Little Ukraine." There's one thing in common between these revolutions: street people power, and usually young, good-looking street people power.

    In Lebanon's case, some are calling it the Gucci Revolution. Why? Well:
    Some people here are jokingly calling the phenomenon "the Gucci revolution" - not because they are dismissive of the demonstrations, but because so many of those waving the Lebanese flag on the street are really very unlikely protestors.

    There are girls in tight skirts and high heels, carrying expensive leather bags, as well as men in business suits or trendy tennis shoes.

    And in one unforgettable scene an elderly lady, her hair all done up, was demonstrating alongside her Sri Lankan domestic helper, telling her to wave the flag and teaching her the Arabic words of the slogans.

    Then again, lots of Lebanese will avoid calling it the Cedar Revolution for other reasons, namely:

    ...no one in the Lebanese press is talking about "the Cedar Revolution." The cedar tree is the traditional symbol of the country's Maronite Christians, derived from a reference in the Christian Bible (Psalms 92:12, "the righteous flourish like the palm tree, and grow like a cedar in Lebanon."), according to the Flags of the World Web site. It was incorporated into the Lebanese flag in 1943 when Christians were a majority of the population and the much poorer Shiite Muslims living in the dusty south were all but shut out of power.
    Sure, there's been cross-sectarian solidarity. We'll see if "Cedar" or "Gucci" prevails.

    Dog Day

    This nasty story reminds me of a great movie that very few people have ever seen. Check out Dog Day, in which Lee Marvin plays his traditional Liberty Valance/ Parker type dick, but realizes that by retreating from the law into the idyllic French countryside, he's entering a much more depraved world than he ever knew existed. Not the absolute best Lee Marvin film but pretty good and weird.

    Congratulations

    To Steve Fossett for chugging a half bottle of champagne, and to Richard Branson for a perfectly executed champagne shower on his unsuspecting friend moments before.

    Meet Joe One

    ..site where the Soviet Union first detonated an atomic weapon, on a clear summer morning in 1949. Today it's the poor Kazaks that have to deal with an Israel-sized radioactive zone for the 455 bombs the Soviets detonated here over 40 years.

    Though the Russians don't give a flying-f*ck for what they did to Kazakhstan, they're more than happy to keep the gold and ancient treasures discovered by German archaeologist Hermann Schliemann that they plundered from Nazi museums sixty years ago.

    You know, somehow, in weird Russian logic, you can profit from your own executive hubris and recklessness, and that of others too! You're always a winner!

    God's Best Friend

    3.02.2005

    Robots + Artificial Muscles = ?

    It could be amazing. This technology could be poised to greatly benefit mankind providing more human-like machines. Instead, all the scientists at the Electroactive Polymer and Devices conference (that's a hot name btw) can come up with is this, once again confirming my suspicion that scientists have no STYLE.

    3.01.2005

    I Am Blown Away

    ..by this:
    Duck Tales

    Life is like a hurricane here in Duckburg
    Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes - it's a duck blur
    You might solve a mystery or rewrite history

    Duck Tales, Oo-oo
    Tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales, oo-oo

    D-d-d-danger, watch behind you - there's a stranger out to find you
    What to do? Just grab onto some Duck Tales, oo-oo!
    Not pony tails or cotton tails but Duck Tales, oo-oo!

    When it seems they're headed for the final curtain
    Bold deduction never fails, that's for certain
    The worst of messes become successes!

    Duck Tales, Oo-oo
    Tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales, oo-oo
    Not pony tails or cotton tails but Duck Tales, oo-oo!

    I can't emphasize how distorted my idea of these lyrics has been for the last two decades or so. Unbelievable.

    Beer Saves Lives

    Man peed way out of avalanche

    A Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it. Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi car was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains. He told them that after the avalanche, he had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out. But as he dug with his hands, he realised the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through. He had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem he realised he could urinate on the snow to melt it, local media reported.

    He said: "I was scooping the snow from above me and packing it down below the window, and then I peed on it to melt it. It was hard and now my kidneys and liver hurt. But I'm glad the beer I took on holiday turned out to be useful and I managed to get out of there." Parts of Europe have this week been hit by the heaviest snowfalls since 1941, with some places registering more than ten feet of snow in 24 hours.
    Thanks Fran. I think Trevor first told me this story, but the fact that the dude is Slovakian makes it funnier somehow.

    elgooG

    IT Conversations

    This is a pretty cool site -- giving free audio downloads to tech based talks.

    Gizoogle - Fo all you beotches who wanna find shiznit