Drink Tank

Extra Aqua Vitae Nulla Salus


Beef With "The" Elevator

First, "hours" in a space elevator? That amount of time would surely stretch the limits of human endurance past the breaking point -- not for weightlessness, but for the nonstop Musak renditions of Burt Bacharach tunes coming from the stereo system.

Even on regular elevators, I have to get off every 10 floors and bang my head on a wall until "What's New Pussycat" goes away.

Second, spaceships, transporters and Fonzie's motorcycle are all cool because you can control where they take you -- even Mork's egg had its own guidance system.

Think about it. Could Luke Skywalker destroy a Death Star while crammed in a lift, scrunched between some lady trying to burp her screaming kid and a weirdo intent on telling him how his pet parakeet is stealing his Social Security checks? Sadly, just like us, the Jedi would have to get off and take the stairs.

The Force just doesn't travel along a tether.

Daaaaaaaamn! Take that, elevator!


At 2:28 PM, Blogger Brian Dunbar said...

People used to spend, oh I dunno, days on a train to get from here to there. Trick is to give the cattle - unh passengers - internet access.


Post a Comment

<< Home