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Extra Aqua Vitae Nulla Salus

9.15.2005

Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades.


This is why I only shave once a week. I can't stand the constant drama!

1 Comments:

At 12:00 AM, Blogger joško said...

Okay, guys, I'm seriously guys, I have this idea where you get a mask for your lower face that's formed to fit that is comprised of, like, a series of form-fitting blades on the inside such that when you put the mask to your face and shift it downwards by a millimeter ALL YOUR STUBLE IS GONE IN ONE SWIFT STROKE. Good, uh?

 

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