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9.15.2005

Bill Maher's newest rule



Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more
money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start another war
because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term
has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your
Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's speaking to
you. Mission accomplished.

Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk
away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the
baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How
about cowboy or space man? Now I know what you're saying: there's so many
other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't.
I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela.
Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the
church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.

But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like
Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you
haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man.
Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire
city to rising water and snakes.

On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four
airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New
Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this
country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the
other side.

So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: " Take a hint. "

4 Comments:

At 6:30 PM, Blogger Ivan said...

Maher is an ass.

 
At 8:26 AM, Blogger Miguel said...

An ass? Interesting point. Is that the same "Ivan" who posts James Lileks and Opinion Journal pieces to this space?

 
At 2:59 PM, Blogger Ivan said...

A 6 paragraph version of a "your momma so fat"-level attack on Bush is far less interesting lileks or OJ.

But it isn't really, content (or lacking) that makes me think Maher is an ass. It really has to do with the attitude.

 
At 3:20 PM, Blogger Miguel said...

Are you hating on The Pharcyde too now? You have odd opinions about "interesting."

The "attitude" that our nation is led by a sad sack like our president is troubling to me too, but don't shoot the messenger ;)

 

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